


Here’s To The Broken Ones

by Smol_Moo



Category: Croana - Fandom, SKAM (Spain), Skam España - Fandom
Genre: Angst I guess, F/F, Fluff, hella gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-15 11:27:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19294810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smol_Moo/pseuds/Smol_Moo
Summary: Cris had an experience while drunk one night that leads to her breaking up with her purple haired girlfriend.The aftermath hurts like hell, and they don’t wan’t to let go.This is the fight to remain the same.





	1. Sleepless Nights

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this on a day I was feeling angsty. I know it’s not great, but hopefully it’s enjoyable enough. Idk, enjoy :)

There’s a moment in time where your heart breaks and your life flashes before your eyes because everything went down hill so fucking quickly it feels like nothing will ever go right again. She’ll never come back, she’ll never be back in your arms, kissing you in soft morning light, or making all the boys jealous. Because you said that one word, to keep her safe, and now she’s gone. She may think she’s the problem. But it’s not true. You’re the problem. You and your destructive tendencies and childish habits, all naive and secretly scared but you hide behind a facade of party girl and fuck-buddy.

 

“criS”

 

“crIS”

 

“cRIS”

 

“CRISTINA SOTO GET UP”

 

Cris sighed. She had been up for hours. She knew she would be up for many more. She hadn’t slept in days. Not even in the most boring of class’. She had finished all of her course work for the whole term, and even found time to go to three parties. But she hadn’t slept for a single second in almost 2 weeks. Approximately 336 hours since she last slept properly. Every time she closed her eyes, all she saw was the purple haired girl. Her purple haired girlfriend... _ex_ girlfriend. And the tears that had escaped the poor girl.

 

“Cristina I’m not kidding, get up!”

 

“I’m up mama! Give me five minutes to get ready!”

 

Cris got up from her bed, where she had been sketching. Cris never thought she was good at drawing, but she had had enough time these past few days to learn. “Choose the most prominent feature”. That’s what she had done. At first, the drawings were to Cris, utter shit. But as time went on, she grew to get better. Now she had drawings of all her friends scattered throughout a sketchbook she had bought last week.

 

That, and one, single, dark lined, painful, sketch of a purple-haired girl. The lines were angry, and sad, and Cris hadn’t looked at it snice she drew it.

 

She grabbed a plan black t-shirt, and her ripped over-alls. She put her hair up into two braids, and pulled on a pair of beaten converse high tops. Cris looked at herself in the mirror. She looked almost fine on the outside. Cris Soto had the luck of never getting bags under her eyes, it was like a magic power. She had perfect makeup skills, and on the outside, you wouldn’t be able to tell that the girl hadn’t slept in two weeks.

 

She walked to Amira’s, where she hugged her oldest friend hello and walked to school. Amira looked at the blonde carefully before saying quietly “Cris, are you okay?”. She had asked this every day for almost two weeks. The first few days, Cris had shot down the question quickly “yeah Amy, I’m fine. Trying in school is quite draining”. Amira had nodded and let it go. But it had been two weeks, and the other girls jokes had become strained and her laugh empty.

 

Cris looked at the other girl and did her best to smile “Yeah Amy, I’m fine. It hasn’t changed since yesterday or the day before,”. Amira decided to let it go for the time being. But she was worried about her friend. She decided to text Dani.

 

 **AMIRA (08:50)** : Hey, have you noticed anything up with Cris recently?

 **DANI (08:52)** : Yeah, she has had music playing in her room 24/7. Idk if she’s even slept in weeks. She doesn’t eat much either, and just stays in her room all the time.

 **AMIRA (08:55)** : damn.

 **AMIRA (08:55)** : should we do something? What if it gets worse?

 **DANI (08:57)** : I’ll keep an eye out. In the meantime, just make sure she’s not alone. You’re a good friend to her Amira. She loves you, maybe give her a little push to open up. But not too much cause shes a stubborn ass sometimes too.

 **AMIRA (08:59)** : Thanks Dani, I’ll do my best. You’re a good brother too. I better get going, have a good day.

 **AMIRA (08:59)** : Bye

 **DANI (08:59)** : have a good one! Bye

 

Cris and Amira walked into the school and split to their separate classes. Amira was headed to math, whereas Cris had literature. A most painful experience. She had already finished all the work for the year, so she just pulled out her sketch book and kept practicing her drawing. She had never expected to find drawing interesting, but she had found a peaceful reside in the movement of the pencil on the paper. Cris had found she had a very animated drawing style, a little like her inspiration sake. A little less dark themes in some cases. Except that one haunting drawing.

 

Throughout class, she just drew, unsure of what the drawing was. About 10 minutes into class she heard muffled talking nearby through her music. She payed no attention until someone reluctantly sat down next to her. She didn’t have to look to know who it was. The person radiated an anxious feeling, and smelled of faint lavender shampoo and lemony body wash. Cris would never forget that scent. It was her favourite scent on earth, it was a direct connection to her favourite taste- her ex’s lips. Cris stiffened in her seat and quickly snapped the sketchbook closed.

 

20 minutes of Cris not moving, staying in one place, barely blinking, and panicking. All she wanted was to lean into the girl next to her. To say she didn’t mean it, because she didn’t. But Cris was a mess. Cris was a mess and she had built these walls so firmly, she wouldn’t let this break her. She hadn’t seen Joana in two weeks. Since she had said that thing. That damn thing. The truth was there, she believed it, but she fucking missed the other girl with all her heart. Everything about her, she missed. Even the bad moments, she missed. Because those passed, but she wasn’t sure this heartbreak would.

 

“cris,” she heard her name through the music.

 

She took a deep breath and slowly removed her earbud. “Yeah?” She asked. “Can we talk? After school? The park?” Joana’s voice sounded dry and wavered a little. Cris hesitated. “I guess so,” she said. Joana seemed to let out a held breath, and Cris hated that she was hurting the other girl.

 

Cris walked as slowly as possible to the park. She was dreading what was to come. This park didn’t exactly hold the best memories for her.

 

Joana was waiting for her this time.

 

“Cris,” she greeted.

 

“Hey,” was all Cris said in return.

 

“Can I ask you a question? Why did you really break up with me? Because I know that it wasn’t what you said it was. You are not what you think you are,” Joana jumped right in.

 

Cris hated her for saying that. Because now she had to tell the truth.

 

“I broke up with you because I am a mess Joana. I don’t want to put more stress on you, I couldn’t deal with that. I’m trying to get better, to grow up, so that I don’t do it again. But I kind of hate growing up,” Cris responded. She was scared, because she had so easily told her the truth. She didn’t want to.

 

“Cris,” Joana asked softly, walking towards the blonde “what did you do?”

 

“I-“ Cris’ voice broke. She had buried the memory as far as she could into her mind, because she hated herself for it. “I just make bad decisions Joana. I get drunk and do dumb things, like loose peoples drugs. I use people to hide my feelings. I just........... I really fucked up this time. Because I can’t remember exactly what I did. Because I woke up that morning with an unlit joint in my hand, and a pounding headache, in a alley in Toledo. _TOLEDO_. All I remember is the shots I had earlier that night. I don’t know Joana, I just couldn’t mentally think of one reason why I should keep putting you through the pain of watching me run around like an idiot, party my life away, and end up dead from drugs at the age of 21. I can’t stand myself for that. I woke up in a different _city_. That was the final straw for me.”

 

Joana listened carefully. Cris was scared. Scared that she would agree. Scared that she would say “yeah Cris, you really are an impulsive child who can’t deal with anything”. But she didn’t.

 

“That’s it?” She finally asked. “You broke up with me because you didn’t want me to do what you do for me every day? You’re so fucking stupid Cristina. I wouldn’t run, I wouldn’t go anywhere, even when you can’t stand you, I can. I love you.”

 

Cris had tears in her eyes.

 

“I love you too but-“

 

“No buts”

 

“No Joana listen. I don’t want this, for me, for you. Ever since that morning, I havent slept. I’ve finished my school work for the rest of the year! I’ve quit drugs completely and I haven’t had a drink in a week, I haven’t even smoked a cigarette in a week. I don’t want to fuck up your life so I’m trying to be stronger and I don’t know if it’s working, but I’m trying. I want to be with you so _so_  badly. Okay but, I need to be better for me and for you and I don’t want you to have to watch me get better. I think I need to do that on my own.”

 

Joana nodded.

 

“When you’re ready, you come find me. Okay?” She asked. Cris smiled sadly and agreed. “And get some sleep Cris”

 

“I can’t.” Cris said quietly.

 

“What do you mean?” Joana asked

 

“I mean that I can’t. I’ve tried. I can’t sleep without.... well without _you_.”

 

Joana seemed to think for a second. “Meet me on your roof at 11:00 tonight, okay?”

 

Cris seemed okay with that. She nodded and said “I’ll see you then”

 

 

Cris went home and cried. She cried for hours and hours.

 

Dani walked past her room and heard her cry. Instantly he sent a text to Amira.

 

 **DANI** : Amira she’s been crying for almost four hours. Please come!”

 **AMIRA** : On my way

 **DANI** : Thank you so much!

 

The door swung wide open with a slight creaking sound. Cris didn’t have the energy o yell, but she did her best to tell whoever was there to get out. The door slowly closed, and for a moment she thought she was alone again. Then she felt the bed dip under someone’s weight. She sighed and looked up to see who it was.

 

“Cris,” she said “don’t lie to me. Don’t tell me you’re okay if you’re not. You don’t have to talk just yet. Just come here”.

 

Cris nodded and fell into her best friends arms.


	2. Amira

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amira tries to talk some sense into her best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it’s so short. Thanks to everyone who gave me the push to continue this story. Here’s another one, hope you enjoy?

“Cris,” Amira looked at the blonde and shook her head as a small smirk of amusement covered her face “You don’t really think that do you?”

 

“yeah, I do. I don’t want to put her through that. Through me. I want to get better first,” Cris explained. Amira rolled her eyes. 

 

“Can’t you see you are already getting better? All those things; you haven’t smoked, had a drink, or drugs in at least a week. Those things make it so you are getting better. You’re just pushing Joana away because you don’t believe you can do it. You don’t think that you can keep up the hard work of being sober. I think you can. And I think that you pushing away your go-to safety person is a horrible way of getting better. You haven’t slept in two weeks because you miss her. So try and find a way to balance it because _clearly_ you need her. And she needs you. But I don’t think you can do it alone, and I don’t think me and the girls can give you what you need”. 

 

Cris looked surprised by what her best friend was saying. It made sense, but she didn’t want to admit it. Yes, she knew she needed Joana. Yes, she knew that she was afraid of failing. Yes, she knew that she was giving up important things to try to get better. But she didn’t know other ways to do it. 

 

“What can I do?” She asked. 

 

Amira smiled.

 

“Talk to her and figure it out. But don’t just push her away. That’s crazy. You love her, she loves you. Don’t throw that away when you don’t have to. Use each other to be stronger, support each other. I know you care about each other a lot, I’ve never seen you more happy then when you’re with her. So don’t throw it away.”

 

Cris smiled at the other girl and pulled her into a hug.

 

“You know you’re literally the best ever?” 

 

“I know,” Amira reassured jokingly.

 

Cris rolled her eyes. They played card games until Amira had to go home. Cris hugged her goodbye and got ready for bed. When she sat back down in her room again, her clock read 22:32. Just a little under half an hour until she had to meet Joana. She got things ready; a blanket and a hoodie, and she grabbed some snacks. She had a good guess of what Joana was planning. 

 

Finally it was 11. Cris snuck up to the roof quietly, making sure not to wake up any of her family. She didn’t really want to have to explain to her mother that she was sneaking up to the roof to meet her girlfriend. Her mother had made it clear that she expected Cris to live a traditional life, and Cris hated it. 

 

She opened the door and instantly the cool air hit her, refreshing her tired face. 

 

“Hey,” Joana called out from the pile of pillows and blankets against the wall around the corner. 

 

“Hey,” Cris responded quietly. She was tried, it was clear on her face now. She was also nervous. She wasn’t sure how she was going to do this.

 

Cris sat down next to her ex and looked out over the city. 

 

“Are you okay?” Joana asked.

 

“Not really,” Cris responded. Joana nodded in understanding and a silence fell over them. Eventually Cris cleared her throat and said “Joana, I need to tell you something”. Joana nodded again “I thought you might,” she said. Cris sighed. How did she always see through her?

 

Cris battled with what to say, while Joana just waited patiently. When Cris decided she finally knew what to say, she opened her mouth to find that the words she had worked so hard to find had escaped her.

 

Joana didn’t need this. She didn’t need Cris and her dumb childish tendencies. She didn’t need what Cris knew would be the eventual outcome, no matter how hard she would fight it. Cris knew that Joana deserved the best. Joana deserved light and rainbows and laughter and someone who loved her without issue. And Cris believed that couldn’t be her. That couldn’t come from the girl who partied until she dropped. From the girl who was destined to stay that way. From the girl Cris was trying so hard to fix, but had no hope that it would actually work.

 

Cris was scared. Because what if she hurt Joana again. What if she hurt her, or she got hurt, or they just fell apart like everything else. 

 

_but what if you don’t_ a little voice in Cris’ head tried to reason. 

 

It was that tiny voice that made Cris find her words.

 

“ _Vale_ ,” she took in a deep breath. Joana turned to look at her. “I was talking with Amira earlier and she told me something I think I needed to hear...”


	3. By Your Side

“So what are we going to do?” Joana asked. They had been on that roof for a while now. Cris had explained everything, and Joana knew what she wanted to come out of this; but she wanted to know that Cris was sure of what she wanted too. 

 

“If you’ll let me, I’d like to work through this... with you by my side.”

 

Joana smiled. “Well then, if you’ll let me, I would like to be by your side,” she responded. Cris returned her smile and moved to be embraced by Joana. Joana kissed he top of her head and Cris huffed out a little laugh. 

 

Cris was still scared. If anyone was to ask her later, she would say:  _I was terrified. Not because I didn’t think Joana could’ve handled me, but because I didn’t want to put her through it. I didn’t believe in myself. But here we are and we’re back to **little by little.**_  But as it was, Cris was glad she had her beautiful, loving, amazing, girlfriend back. She had missed her very much.

 

A few hours passed and Joana awoke to Cris shifting a little in her arms. It was still dark, but the sky was looking a little less navy. She fell back asleep quickly after, but was woken again by Cris only a few more hours later. 

 

“The sun will be up soon,” Cris whispered. Joana knew she was right, the sky was significantly lighter now, a milky medium blue with orange starting to line the few clouds remaining after Thursdays rain.

 

“You woke me up to watch the sunrise?” Joana asked, sleep threaded in her croaky morning voice. “And you thought you weren’t a romantic”. 

 

Cris rolled her eyes, but smiled anyways, kissing Joana softly before replying “I didn’t have any reason to be until you came around”. Joana laughed and rolled her eyes back at the blonde “You’re so disgustingly sappy Cristina”. “Oh bite me,” Cris teased. “Okay!” Joana responded jokingly, and nipped at Cris’ bottom lip. “Hey!” Cris laughed, sinking into Joanas side and resting her head on the other girls shoulder. “You’re so beautiful,” Joana said. Cris was caught a little in surprise. “You’re so stunning Joana,” she said turning to face the other girl “I don’t tell you enough. You’re so fucking beautiful. Every time I see you I can’t believe you’re mine. Inside and out, you’re just so... beautiful.” Cris let us a little noise at the end to express her wordlessness. Joana just blushed and kissed Cris softly again. 

 

The kiss quickly turned less innocent. Suddenly Cris felt like the soft kisses were not enough. She began to deepen the kiss, and moved to sit on Joanas lap to kiss her better. Joana felt her back being pushed against the wall as Cris kissed her, and she wasn’t going to complain. They stayed making out on that roof for many more minutes, until they could barley breath, and then they finally settled to watch the sunrise. 

 

“I wish for many more mornings like this,” Cris said quietly, as her and Joana watched over the city. 

 

“And more we will have,” Joana responded.

 

Cris turned to look at Joana and smiled. “God I missed you so much,” she said. Joanas eyes softened and she smiled back “I missed you too”. 

 

Cris kissed Joana softly and looked back over the buildings.

 

They stayed there, in comfortable silence for what felt like hours. They were content, happy, and together.

 

As the morning set in, the two of them made their way downstairs for breakfast and probably cuddles in Cris’ room.

They knew that the future may not be perfect, but they would make it work.

 

_Poco a poco, minuto a minuto._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn’t the last chapter I don’t think. Let me know if you want the story to continue! Love y’all, hope you enjoy!


End file.
